August, 2006

Ray of the Month: Contribution

Last night I was in the position of walking the two miles from Wallingford to Roosevelt after dark. I was looking forward to the walk, for the exercise, the fresh air and the time alone to connect with myself. My mood was bubbly as I started the journey. After a few blocks, though, and noticing the ever- increasing darkness, fear began to set in. "No problem," I thought, "I just finished teaching a class on self-empathy— time to practice!"

I began to connect with myself—with my feelings and needs. I was feeling afraid, needing a sense of safety. I began to have thoughts of being kidnapped and raped, or shot through a car window. I connected with my need for survival, and my mind raced to the recent random shootings in Seattle. "Yes, I need survival!!!" And despite my best efforts, I was not finding any relief in the self-empathy. In fact, I was getting more and more terrified. My fear increased even further as I walked passed a three-some that I had many judgments about, based on their appearances and manner of speech with each other. I also began to blame myself for being so stupid as to not having arranged a ride, so I had not only the fear to deal with, but also self-condemnation.

As my self-connection did not seem to bring me to a more centered place (something that I have become quite secure about expecting), I decided to stick with the fear and be open to experiencing whatever might develop next. Within a couple of blocks, I came across a young Indian mother, her son of about four years of age, and her own mother dressed in the traditional sari. The family looked like three angels, and I realized how their presence met my own need for safety. I still had my fear, but at least I had some support available in case of emergency.

The fundamental shift came in my next interchange with myself. "If they are contributing to my sense of safety, then I bet that my presence is also contributing to their sense of safety." And with that thought, my fear just melted away as I connected with my mission for the walk--to contribute to a sense of safety for others. And with a sense of purpose and a feeling of peace, I began to notice my surroundings more acutely and make decisions, such as to cross the street at different times, based on my clear observations.

Contributing to individuals, families, communities and organizations through sharing Nonviolent Communication fulfills and touches me very deeply. My own sense of love is increased as I give to another, whether or not I see the other person touched by my contribution (although that feedback certainly meets other needs as well!). So in the end, perhaps any contribution is a contribution to myself—to serve the purpose of expanding my love.