October, 2006

Ray of the Month: Meaning

From the end of August until mid-September, I spent my days and nights enjoying the inaugural Annas Bay Music Festival in Mason County, WA (an hour west of Olympia). Surprised? Yes, yes, I know--I retired from my career as a musician three years ago and sold my gorgeous Italian violin last year. What was I doing performing at a music festival?

Well, I must say that the universe led me there kicking and screaming. When I was first called to be hired, I felt skeptical and told the contractor that I'd think about it, but soon decided not to participate. It seemed like too much hassle to find an instrument, get my chops back, work out the childcare, etc. My husband Rich was going to be talking to the contractor the next day and would deliver my answer. The day after that, I was at the festival site (Harmony Hills Retreat Center) leading an NVC workshop for the Peace Alliance, and I saw how magical the festival setting was. I immediately reversed my decision, which my husband had thankfully failed to deliver. I was committed.

After the first few days of the festival, I was in a dark place. I was looking forward to the festival being over so I could quit violin again. My exploration of this internal place revealed the foundational question—what is the meaning of music? Getting in touch with that question allowed me to realize how teaching NVC gave me so much meaning in the process of unifying—unifying people with themselves, with each other, and with God. Then I began to get curious if this was possible in playing a concert.

I began to notice how the Mason County community had been unified in the effort to put on the inaugural festival. I noticed the audience, a mere three feet away from me, jumping to their feet in appreciation of our efforts. Some told me that they felt as if they were a part of the music as they could read the notes on the page over my shoulder. I noticed certain audience members in tears, as they had been touched and inspired by the music. Perhaps they had a spiritual experience during the concert. I noticed my own heart stirred by the music, my desire for music increasing and my skill on my instrument improving over the two weeks. I was connecting with myself, others and a higher power, and I trusted that others were also. What I was missing onstage with the Seattle Symphony, I found at the Annas Bay music festival—the power of music to unify.

I have fallen in love with playing concerts again—certain concerts, that is, where I will be able to relish that meaning. How my life will unfold as I once again have two professional loves I am not sure. But knowing that such meaning is possible inspires me whether or not I am drawing my bow across those strings.