May, 2008

What makes a client "difficult?" When I start to label people, it's a tip off that I am having some unaddressed feelings. There are several ways for me to have a shift of heart. One way is to clear up the interpretations I am coloring the facts with. We often instinctively know to approach situations like an unpaid invoice with an open mind. After all, the invoice could never have arrived, or payment was sent to the wrong address. What if, however, the action that stimulates our anger is an unresolved one: for the past four months of service, I have gotten payment from this client 3-4 weeks after the "pay upon receipt" invoice was mailed despite repeated reminders?

Feelings are a signal to me that I have unmet needs. Another way for me to transform my anger into a willingness to communicate is to discover the needs underlying my judgments. If I am thinking, "She's just taking advantage of me. She knows my terms are 'upon receipt' but insists on paying in 30 days without my consent!" I'm clearly angry. I'm alarmed because directness is important to me, as is participating in setting the credit terms. Mostly I need security, to be able to base my spending decisions on my outstanding receivables so that I can rest assured my business will stay solvent.

I might also soften through guessing empathically. When she pays me late, is she anxious about the number of bills and unpredictability of her own income? Can I relate to that?! We both might be trying to invest in the future success of our business without overextending ourselves, wishing for more clarity about what's coming in. Does that change my request to pay on time? No. But it may enable me to commiserate with the reasons she has paid me late and recognize that whenever she's told me "no" in word or deed, she has been meeting genuine needs. From that place of needs consciousness we can attempt partnership in brainstorming win-win solutions.

I may still choose to approach the situation starting with self-expression: "I received your payment a month after invoicing and I'm concerned because I count on receiving your payment on time in order to make my own payments." Consider carefully your request. If your request is that they pay on time every month, is that present, doable and specific? Or is it likely they will agree, maybe even with all the best intentions in the world, and then not follow through when something comes up? I might instead make a request like, "how do you feel about the thought of calling me to renegotiate if you realize you will be making a late payment?"

Remember you don't need to solve the whole problem in one step. If you make progress towards open communication, subsequent requests can fine-tune aspects of the solution which aren't mutually beneficial. For instance, you may find that clarity is more important than prompt payment and you are willing to set 30 day terms if paid regularly on time. Or you may discover that the need for sustainability which prompted the "upon receipt" terms in the first place takes priority. You may even decide to put them on prepay status, but if you make the shift of heart first, you will be more likely to be able to communicate this as an act of self-care, without blame or criticism, allowing for more cooperation at problem-solving to develop in time. Ultimately, using NVC in business goes beyond behaving diplomatically to promoting the growth of sincere respect and consideration for one another.