February, 2008

Nonviolent Communication is a powerful tool in transforming judgment. Once students of NVC have tasted the sweetness of transforming their judgments, they may think that the goal of NVC is to eliminate all judgments from their lives. But what if judgments held the potential to be sources of vital information for us?

Judgments are getting a bad rap these days (my judgment). My computer's dictionary defines "judgment" as "the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions." Who wouldn't want that?

At their best, judgments are friendly indicators that empower us toward more pleasure (my judgment). For example, my judgment that "this room is too cold" led me to turn up the heat. My judgment that "this teacher isn't very inspirational" motivated me to find a new tap dance class. In both cases my life was improved (my judgment) by the action I took stemming from my judgment.

The principles of NVC guide us to couch our judgments in terms of needs, for example, "in this room, my need for warmth is not met," and "in the class, my need for inspiration is not met" but that seems more a matter of semantics to me than true transformation (my judgment, of course).

So if judgments are our friends (my judgment), then why would we want to transform them anyway?

I've often said that having judgments is not a problem; it is the clinging to the belief that the judgments are true that causes discord and suffering.

If I cling to the belief that "this room is too cold," I may experience separation from the person who says, "this room is too hot-we need to turn the heat down." If both of us remain in our judgments and our strategies, I don't see any peaceful solution in the near future.

If I vehemently believe that "this teacher isn't very inspirational," I may leave the school with resentment or launch a campaign to have her fired. I will not be open to recognizing the needs of others and negotiating a solution that satisfies everyone involved.

In short, having judgments is not necessarily a problem. In fact, my judgments give me useful information over the course of every day that assists me in taking empowered action. (For example, I just judged that this article was too long and cut two paragraphs.)

It is when the judgments become rigid that our enjoyment of life decreases. And luckily (my judgment), we have NVC to assist us in transforming those judgments!

"Judgment trivia"
About spelling the word: Conventional North American spelling is "judgment," while British English adds the "e" to make "judgement."