March, 2009

For any of you who have not lived through a bout of lice, let me give you a little glimpse into the scene: there is really only one way to take care of the problem, which is to pick each tiny (smaller than a sesame seed) egg (nit) off the hair, one by one. This takes 1 ½-3 ½ hours, and I've done this nine out of the eleven past days on my daughter's head.

The first day, I worked so intensely at the nitpicking that I gave myself a migraine, complete with fever. On day two, I knew that I would have to change my attitude if we were to make it through the week. So I started some Nonviolent Communication-style self-connection.

"I'm trapped here!" I thought. Hmmmm….feeling frustrated, anxious. Needing freedom, creativity, self-expression.

"This is impossible!" was my next thought. Feeling irritated, lonely, sad. Needing support, learning, community, connection.

"What a waste of time!" Feeling overwhelmed. Need for meaning.

Aha! A need for meaning! That is when the NVC magic happened. I was inspired by a new thought: how could I make this nitpicking job a meaningful experience?

I know that I always find meaning in helping others, so I hatched a little plan for myself. I started to track all my nitpicking discoveries to share with others who may find themselves in the same boat. That night, I emailed my daughter's kindergarten class with "Tips from the nitwits." I infused the suggestions with humor, thus meeting my needs for creativity and self-expression. I also asked questions about products and techniques. Getting the answers to these gave me support, learning, community and connection. The loneliness disappeared, and the whole operation became a game and a fun challenge.

Compare this to the above list of unmet needs, and that's seven out of eight, not bad!

The only need left was freedom. Once I sunk into that need, I could see how my strategy of daily nitpicking indeed met my need for freedom. If I were to be haphazard in my nitwork, the problem could go on for weeks and months. With my relaxed diligence, freedom seemed right around the corner.

The magic of self-connection has worked its wonders in my life again.