October, 2009

Each year, I get many requests from parents to teach Nonviolent Communication to their children. Although I have done one "whole family" workshop, I'm not generally inclined in that direction. I believe that the most organic source of compassionate influence is in the home. If you have been practicing NVC for years, congratulations! I'm sure your child is absorbing the concepts of feelings, needs, requests and empathy with your modeling. If you are new to NVC, you and your children can be on the journey of learning together!

And no matter your level of experience, there are many resources to support you in bringing NVC consciousness to your family. Teaching them through talking about NVC is probably not effective for most children; they need to see, feel, move or play in order to assimilate the information. Here are six resources that can support you in sharing NVC with your children, while you deepen your skills as well.

#1 GROK: GROK is simply two decks of cards. One deck has feeling words, and the other has needs words. There are many ways to use the cards, and some suggestions are included with the card decks. One mom asked her teenaged boys to tell her stories from their day. She set out the feelings and needs cards that she heard in their stories. The boys responded, "Yeah, Mom, you got it. Can we play this again another day?"

GROK is available for $24 from my training center or from www.nvcproducts.com.

#2 CENTERING BUDDIES: Soft, colorful and lightly scented with calming sandalwood, my centering buddies are a source of comfort for all ages. Model self-empathy by placing the heart on your chest and connecting with your feelings, then place the circle on your abdomen and acknowledge your needs. My daughter loves these beanbags and has been known to offer me the heart, guessing, "Mama, do you feel sad?"

Available for $24.95 at my training center and at my online shop:
http://hollyeckert.com/pages/shop.html

#3 PUPPETS: Although the giraffe and jackal puppets make only occasional appearances in my trainings, many people love them. Some people are liberated to speak their anger and blame with the jackal puppet (to themselves, of course) and appreciate the connection of feelings and needs they find with the giraffe puppet. Jackal and giraffe ears are also available. I remember one fond moment, when my 4-year-old son encouraged me to self-empathy, handing me the giraffe ears, and saying, "Mom, you need to put these on for yourself."

Available from www.cnvc.org for $24 for each puppet or $18 for giraffe or jackal ears.

#4 NO-FAULT ZONE GAME AND BOOK: Colorful mats and card decks (one option includes picture decks for pre-readers) make conversations tangible, visible and accessible for parents and children alike. With the game, everyone can express themselves to their satisfaction and, in turn, empathize with others so they feel heard. The book The No-Fault Classroom has many activities that can be adapted for use in the family.

The game is $40; the book is $27.95. Both are available at my training center, and online at www.thenofaultzone.com.

#5 FEELINGS AND NEEDS LIST: The most economical option of all is to simply print out several copies of the feelings and needs lists, leaving them posted around the house and laying out on coffee tables. My daughter learned to write over the summer, and one of her first creations was a hand-written collage of needs copied from a list she found on the couch in my training center!

Available to download from www.cnvc.org.

#6 SOPHIE AND CHARLIE BOOKS: If your children are in the under-6 crowd, they will likely identify with Sophie or her younger brother Charlie, who get into various dilemmas in their home and school. These books show, in real dialogues, what the NVC language sounds like between children and between children and adults. The book Sophie's Cuddly Day saved me years of whining when my daughter learned to say "I need cuddles" rather than climbing up my legs and screaming. :)

Available at www.heartvistas.com for $7.95 each; sample copies are at my training center.

I hope your own creativity has been stimulated by hearing about a variety of resources available. I'd love to hear any stories of parents using these or other items to share NVC with their children!